Sam's Life and Death
by HearMeNow
Summary: It is her life and death explained by each letter of the alphabet.


**A is for anger**. Angry is the only emotion that describes Sam Puckett when Freddie first declared that he loved Carly Shay. Anger is Sam Puckett. She remembers being angry when her dad finally left and when her mom's drunken boyfriend's abused her. She remembers being angry when she remembers that every boyfriend, every teacher, and everybody always likes Carly better.

**B is for bride.** She remembers what Carly Shay looked like in her white silk wedding gown. She remembers seeing Carly Shay walking toward her groom, Freddie Benson. She remembers thinking about how this should've been her life. She remembers the sick feeling that she got when Carly and Freddie said'' I do''.

**C is for crying.** For as long as she could remember, she never cried. She always hid behind a tough mask. She's never had a reason to cry but now she's alone and bitter and she needs to cry. So she sobs and she screams bloody murder but no one can tell because she's crying and screaming only on the inside. She smiles as she sees Carly and Freddie's newborn baby for the first time.

**D is for denial.** Sam has always lived in her own world of delusion and denial. She pretends to be happy as she watches her two best friends build their lives together. She pretends that she doesn't get drunk immediately after seeing the happy couple together.

**E is for eternally.** Sam promises that until the day she dies she will always love Freddie. She doesn't say it out loud but you can feel it in her eyes as she stares at him. Words aren't needed because her eternal love is in her actions.

**F is for fear**. She fears that someone will find out about her in Freddie's secret relationship. The entire relationship takes place in her head. In the relationship, she and Freddie have two children and live in a perfect house. Sam fears that someone will come along and shatter her secret world so she makes sure not to tell anyone because she needs her own world.

**G is for gullible**. Sam thinks that she is gullible. She remembers how Freddie used to tell her that they would be together and that they would have a perfect life. She also remembers how Freddie ditched her as soon as Carly was ready to be with him.

**H is for hopeless**. Sam remembers losing all sense of hope when Carly shows her the engagement ring. She remembers the thoughts racing around her head. She remembers doing the things that she does best: drinking, losing control, and destroying herself.

**I is for insomnia**. Sam can no longer sleep. Her dreams nightmares consist of pain and hurt. She no longer dreams. Dreams are peaceful and happy but Sam will never be peaceful or happy. Sam says that she deserves nightmares. She deserves the constant reminder that her life will only consist of pain, unhappiness, and hurt.

**J is for jealous**. Sam swears that she isn't jealous. She just wants Carly's life but she knows that she can't have it. She was never meant to have that life. She was meant to die bitter and alone.

**K is for kiss**. Sam remembers her first kiss. She loves it because it was the one that showed her that she did love Freddie Benson. She hates it because it destroyed her life. It made her need someone else. It made her finally care about someone else.

**L is for liar**. Sam was born a natural liar. She's always been good at it. She remembers how she lied when Freddie asked her if she loved him. She wanted to scream '' yes'' but all that she could say was a weak unconvincing no.

**M is for misery**. Misery is all that Sam's life is. Sam was meant to never be happy. She remembers losing her baby, Gabriel Benson. Freddie never knew and he will never know. She didn't even have a chance to tell him. She couldn't tell him.

**N is for natural**. It's natural for Carly and Freddie to be together. They are basically every (bad) love story ever created. They're not the good ones like Romeo and Juliet or Heathcliff and Catherine. Carly and Freddie lack passion. They are only together for convenience.

**O is for outcast**. Sam has always been the outcast. She has always been the tomboy in a world full of girly girls. She thinks that she deserves to be the outcast. It's her punishment for being different.

**P is for protection**. She promised herself that she would protect her heart after she found out about Carly and Freddie. She promises to never ever fall in love again.

**Q is for quiet**. Sam always remembers to stay quiet when she's around Freddie and Carly because if she doesn't the she might crack. She might randomly proclaim her love for Freddie if she opens her mouth. So she stays quiet.

**R is for revenge**. Sam remembers planning to sabotage Carly's wedding day. But she couldn't do it because Carly was her best friend. She remembers that day as her biggest regret.

**S is for sister**. Sam used to refer to Carly as her sister but she doesn't anymore. They aren't as close as they once were and they will never be.

**T is for teenager**. When Sam was a teenager, she thought that she would get over Freddie. Now that she's adult she knows that she was wrong.

**U is for unconditional.** Sam remembers that when she was a little girl her father would say that he would love her forever and then he left for another woman and his new kids. Sam remembers how Freddie promised that he would love her regardless of her flaws and how he left for Carly.

**V is for vulnerable**. He made her weak and vulnerable. He cracked her shield and wall of anger and pain and then he left. When he left, he made her even more vulnerable than before.

**W is for wild**. Sam is crazy and fun and Carly is weak and delicate. Sometimes Sam wishes that she was more like Carly but other times she thinks that she has the better life. Carly is in her perfect(ly broken) house with her perfect(ly messed up) husband and family.

**X is for Xmas**. Sam remembers her first Christmas alone. She remembers the card that she received from Carly and Freddie that she ripped up into a hundred million pieces. She remembers falling asleep drunk on her couch.

**Y is for youth**. Sam remembers what her life was like when she was young. She was happier and she had a life that didn't involve stiff drinks and guys that she didn't know the names of.

**Z is for zenith**. On the last day of her life, Sam reached the highest point of the building and she jumped. She jumped because she knew that she had no one that cared about her anymore.


End file.
